I have struggled and continue to struggle with the "path" I walk. Until recently, I thought I was walking the path that I was meant to. I have struggled with many things throughout my life: addictions, "mental illnesses", emotional disorders, abuse, etc. etc. I did not understand why I continued to live a life of turmoil even though I was a Christian. Recently, I have discovered that although I accepted Jesus and all that went with the faith of Chrisianity, I was not at all trying to be or living as a Christian. The definition of Christian is "Christ Like", meaning that we live, think, act, and love as much like Christ as man can. I cannot say I was driven with this motivation even after being "saved". I have had a thirst for the love of Christ most of my life but never really experienced it. I let the world and other ungodly spirits influence my ideas of what the love of Christ looked like and what it meant to me. Today I live a life of peace. That is not to say that I don't have turmoil, but I do know that I don't have to carry that burden alone now. I am not defeated in any way. I put faith in man and thus was hurt every time. My god was my husband or my job or anything besides the true Blessed Father I know today. I have had to become very honest with myself and examine my life from the perspective of my father.

I once believed I could have my cake and eat it too. Today I know that you must walk the walk and talk the talk to fully experience the grace of Jesus. As a mother, I did not understand how beautiful of a gift God had given to me until I lost that gift. Now, watching my babies grow up I FINALLY understand what unconditional love is. I understand how God works and why. Not to say I understand His techniques, but just that I know it is all generated out of love. It took me being a parent to see the Glory of Jesus.

Today I work to stay focused on the path Jesus has set before me. It is not for me to understand, or like, it is just for me to do. I spend a lot of time in prayer these days and cannot ever remember a time I felt to "personal" with my daddy (God). I heard a sermon about Peter and it is what keeps me true to the path. I hope someday to help others through my experiences and survivials.

I don't know where in the Bible it talks about Peter getting out of the boat and walking on the water with Jesus ( I think it is in one or all of the Gospels but please let me know if anyone knows!) but I know that the way it was presented in my church is what keeps me focused on the "path". When Jesus asked Peter to get out of the boat and come to him, Peter was with doubt. No doubt that the others in the boat were cheering him on NOT to get out. They probably did not understand why Peter would do this. However, he did get out. While he was focused on Jesus, he walked on the water. However, once the wind started to blow and Peter lost focus (even only for a split second), he started to sink. When he turned all his "focus" back to Christ, he could once again walk. This is a prime example of how the world can distract us from what is important. When we pay attention to the wind or others that may doubt, we turn our faith from Jesus to the world. In order to stay on the path and walk the course set for us by our creator, we have to stay focused on HIM. We do this by attending church, reading the Word, and constant prayer. Jesus is in control of our world. We are not in control of Jesus. When we turn our FAITH to Him, we can do anything. It is not to say it will be easy (sometimes the Godly thing is the hardest thing of all because our flesh cries out for the world), but in the end, the only true peace and happiness we can experience is when we walk on water with Jesus.

If this touches you, and you are having trouble with your WALK, please email me. Where two are gathered in His name, He will be there. We can walk together and teach each other. I have had to abandon most of my worldly friends and thus am starting a new walk. Please walk with me. We all need fellowship and encouragement sometimes!