I WANT TO BE THE BIGGEST LOSER!!!!! OR AT LEAST A LOSER!
Ten years ago I weighed 225 lbs. I was a size 22 and so so unhappy. I went through some life changing events (divorce, medication changes, etc.) and lost a lot of weight. I think I got down to like 125. I am now way up there again and although I am still a ways from the 225 I am quickly getting there. My sister has joined a biggest loser contest at her work and she is doing so well.
My friend Michelle is sponsoring her own little contest and I finally decided to join in. My reasons for joining the contest are yes, to loose weight. I have the desire to look more desirable! I don't like how I look and how my clothes fit so the cosmetic reason is definately part of it. However, I also signed up as an incentive to exercise. The winter was long and finances are tight. Depression and other emotions run high this time of year. I refuse to take any medications as I have had VERY bad luck with misdiagnosis etc, so I choose to self medicate! Certain foods contribute to different emotional deficiencies, and those are usually eliminated with dieting! Also, certain foods add energy...another way to fight those "bad days"!!!!
But most of all, exercise is the key. I love how I feel when I am on a work out plan. The older I get the harder it is to get going. My bones actually ache and it is harder to do some things. I will not grow old gracefully! I need help in getting motivated to exercise. If i can do it for 12 weeks, I can do it forever!
Ok, now to earn the points,
1. I already sent in my weight.
2. I will do the measurements later today.
3. I already sent in my pics. Just can't post that one!
4. I posted on Facebook about Michelle's contest.
5. Cant figure out how to post the box Michelle. Sorry.
6. I blogged about the contest!
7. don't have too many friends!
8. I will work on a donation.
Who wants to join me?!
Ok, I admit, the older I get the more conservative I get. When it comes to raising my girls I am getting more and more protective. I thought it would be the other way around. I thought that as they grew up I would let go....NOPE not the case....YET. The older they get the more protective, disciplined, etc. I get.
I censor their clothing, their TV programs, and even their friends. I have begun to feel like I have them in boot camp! NO, I am not that bad....
But, as I further my walk in Christ I also find that I am becoming conservative in many other areas in my life. I am learning to give up control of my life to Christ. This means, if I cannot be in control, then why would I want the government to be in control? So, I find that I am against big government. I don't worry about social security or retirement. I don't worry about health care. I believe my father will supply all my needs if I give Him control.
I also find that when I protect others' rights...like free speach or separation of church and state, I give up MY rights as a Christian. Not good. I am not allowed to talk about God at work or school. This violates MY rights. In order to protect others from unequal treatment, I get treated unequally by affirmative action. So, basically i have realized that when Goverment steps in to help 'protect' our rights, it takes away SOMEONE else's rights.
I just think that we should step back and give God control....not our government or the people who run it....so, I am a CONSERVATIVE now! Go figure.
I am thankful that God allows me to be humble. I am thankful for God's grace.
It has been said that when we are pointing on finger at someone else, we are also pointing 3 fingers back at ourselves.
Pride is a funny little creature. It masks itself in so many different ways. It is very easy to become prideful and not even know it.
Today I pray for God to teach me about my pride. I pray for Him to show me when I am not being humble. I pray for God to discipline me and keep me from my sin. I pray for clarity in all the areas that pride is being masked.
Thank you Jesus for your Grace. Thank you for your forgiveness and thank you for not giving up on me! Thank you for putting people in my path to show my YOUR way and when my way is NOT lining up with YOUR way.
Please help me to be merciful rather than prideful today.
I am having a hard time being thankful today. I woke up to rain and my windows were down.
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior".Habakkuk 3:17-18
My husband and I have had such a bad time in this life that it is hard to be thankful sometimes. It is easy to focus on what you don't have and thus creating a cloud that makes it hard to see what you do have. It is easy to get discouraged and overwelmed when you don't focus on the good.
Psychology will tell you that it is important to create positive self talk (affirmations) to keep a positive self image.
The Bible tells us, the tongue is very powerful and what is spoken will come to pass.
Cognative Therapy teaches that we have control over our emotions and actions / reactions by creating positive thought processes.
I take this a little deeper to mean that not just what we speak, but what we think also dictates outcomes.
God designed man with the brain on top because the brain directs action downward!
So, all that being said, it is important to focus on what we have. My cup is HALF FULL today.
So, if anyone reads this, please feel free to share what you are thankful for today....
I am GRATEFUL FOR:
My weekend with my children was very rewarding and healing. It felt so good to spend time with them and see how happy they were.
God painted a beautiful picture today; the sky is so pretty and the sun is shining brightly.
I am grateful that my husband has a fighter spirit in him. It has given him the will power to not give up during his struggle to find employment and to perservere in difficult relationships.
I am grateful that my Father, Lord Jesus has not given up on me or my family
I am so grateful that He has given me the opportunity to minister to others that are where I was...in the wilderness
I am grateful for my job. I am greatful for my job. I am grateful for my job!
If you say anything enough it will come to pass!!!!!
Today I am feeling very sad. I did not get to wish my baby happy birthday and it is heavy on my heart. I read a post about traditions and birthdays as opposed to things and birthdays. Because of my walk in the wilderness and choices I made (not realizing the consequences) I don't get to create or develope traditions with my daughters. I see them about 6 hours a month and only get to talk to them MAYBE once a week. lately it has been much less. I feel like i do not know them anymore.
As a mother my heart screams out and cries. I feel like I can almost sympathise with those who have lost children...only mine are still alive...they just seem so far away. I feel like part of me is always missing and have such a hard time feeling peace. My flesh wants to give up and just find something or someone to sooth that pain, but I know God is the only healing.
I feel the "bond" we had is diminishing and they do not notice that I am not part of their lives anymore. On one hand I am so grateful they are happy. But on the other hand it hurts so much to know that they do not care to know me. I am sure it is too much for children to handle, so they accept and adapt to whatever situation is at hand...but it still hurts. It hurts to know how quickly and easily I can be replaced in their hearts. I truely feel like a failure as a mom.
I cannot buy my children gifts really because I do not know what they like and they are not allowed to tell me what they "want". They are being raised in a very unselfish Godly manner and for that I am thankful....but...sometimes circumstances need flexibility. I do believe from what I read about them that I am not a part of their lives. Mentions of traditions and birthdays in no way include me. I have tried to do different things to establish some kind of tradition, but that too has been ripped away. I ALWAYS call my kids on their birthdays and sing to them. it is a tradition that my grandparents started. The ONE tradition that I CAN do, was taken away this time because of "circumstances" and what it really boils down to is priorities. Because I am not a priority in their lives, and not even acknowledge as their mother on a day to day baisis, I don't even get to give them traditions. My baby will not remember that I didn't get her a CD on her birthday, but she will remember that I did not call.
So, how do I establish traditions when I am invisible? How do I celebrate a day in mine and my child's life that was so BLESSED without her? How do I get to create FAMILY unity when we don't even get to be a family?
If anyone has any ideas, please help me. I am trying not to give in to this emotional mumbo jumbo, but today the enemy is pressing on me. Today my path is somewhat blurred. I know I have to be patient and wait on God to guide me through this, but it is hard. How do you get through these emotional times with God? I pray but i do not feel better. Maybe I am meant to suffer for my sin? But, I know in Christ I am renewed and thus my spirit is renewed. I also know the enemy uses emotions to break us down in our faith and to lead us back to the wilderness. So please, if anyone reads this, pray for me to be strong and to keep my emotions at bay and let me faith carry me through.
Thanks for listenting.
